Two-thousand-twenty-four is turning into the Year of the Flop.
Expensive comic book movies, starry comedies, Christmas fare, Westerns and auteur-driven sci-fi epics all spectacularly imploded. Major titles played to a couple of dudes who snuck in at 11 a.m. Egos were obliterated.
And the downward trend started right away.
Almost as soon as we were done saying “Happy New Year!,” in early February came Apple’s sputtering spy spoof “Argylle,” starring Henry Cavill and Bryce Dallas Howard.
That tedious misfire cost $200 million before marketing expenses, and grossed just $96 million.
Poor Tim Cook. A few months later, the iPhone company’s $100 million “Fly Me to the Moon” with Channing Tatum and Scarlett Johansson tanked too. Apple didn’t even bother putting the George Clooney-and-Brad Pitt-led “Wolfs” in theaters this summer.
Another tectonic shift continued apace: The superhero genre, once invincible, was embarrassingly ripped down to earth by discerning audiences.
The “Joker” sequel, “Folie à Deux,” was one of the most shocking releases of the year. Warner Bros. and DC’s follow-up to the billion-dollar Best Picture nominee starring Joaquin Phoenix was made into a musical with Lady Gaga for some unfathomable reason, and cost $200 million. With marketing and distribution, it could lose that much money too.
Remember “Madame Web”? I saw it so you don’t have to.
We also saw just how much mileage A-List names have. Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt were flying high after “Barbie” and “Oppenheimer.” The next summer, came their fall. Or, rather, their “Fall Guy” — a comedy about a stuntman who goes on a real adventure that lost Universal a reported $60 million.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson — the biggest star whose movies hardly ever turn a profit — is currently in the $250 million Christmas dreck “Red One.” Right now “Red One” is all red ink.
Nobody had it worse than Francis Ford Coppola and Kevin Costner, though. Because Mssrs. Moneybags foolishly spent their own cash — No-no No. 1 — to make their respective $100-million car crashes, “Megalopolis” and “Horizon: An American Saga — Chapter 1.”
Costner’s Old West picture, starring himself, is the first part of a planned four-movie series. But Westerns are supposed to include tumbleweeds, not play to them. I’ll be surprised if the entire quartet sees the light of day.
And Coppola’s “Megalopolis” — a ridiculous fever dream about a futuristic architect played by Adam Driver — helped popularize a term that perfectly encapsulates most of 2024 at the movies: MegaFLOPolis.
Sure there were some oases of success (“Deadpool & Wolverine,” “Inside Out 2,” “Despicable Me 4,” plus innovative horror and genre flicks).
And Hollywood is hoping for a dose of green this week. That’d be the emerald-hued Wicked Witch of the West — one of Tinseltown’s last best hopes for a rare big hit in 2024.
There’s plenty of California dreamin’ that Universal’s adaptation of the Broadway musical “Wicked” and Paramount’s “Gladiator II,” both out Friday, will prove giant draws. And they probably will.
If so, cries of “Ding dong! The witch is alive!” will be heard from dejected LA boardrooms. Because otherwise 2024 is the year they wish they could click their heels together and make go away.
