Putting the winter holidays through a Cuisinart
Manhattan: NASA creates a solar dreidel drone. A horrible bitching session breaks out in Macy’s window between staff who want the star on the tree to have five points and staff who want six. The tossing of ninja stars ensues; the National Guard checks protocol with AI.
The Sugar Plum Fairy frets over getting her tutu just right for the Islamabad production. Meanwhile, the Nutcracker insists on wearing a kippah. Bing Crosby, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., robed, headline as “The Three Wise Guys.” Santa, transitioning to Ms. Claudia, requests permission to use the female reindeer bathroom. In deference to Christmas trees, who sacrifice their lives for the holiday, the pope’s Dec. 25 message includes embracing paganism.
In a split 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court rules that a cross and a Star of David must be hung on either side of the giant 57th St. snowflake. On New Year’s Eve in Times Square, a 12,000-pound matzah ball drops. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry declare Dec. 27 Sussex Day, contending that it supersedes the other holidays.
Using AI, the classic “I Love Lucy” episode featuring Lucy and Ethel at the chocolate factory is remade as “Lucy and Ethel at the Chanukah Gelt Factory.” The updated candy coins Lucy stuffs in her cheeks are sugar-free, carb-free and chocolate-free. Al Pacino emerges as Godfather of the Holidays (East Coast). Netflix produces a groundbreaking three-part documentary in which scientists prove, with compelling evidence, that there is no such thing as a holiday. Susan M. Silver
In the holiday spirit
Fountain Hills, Ariz.: To the Daily News: Wishing you and your families happy holidays and a happy New Year! Even if we may have disagreements, I respect your work and professionalism. Joe Arpaio
Broadcasting bile
Los Angeles: I was listening to Fox News on Thursday morning with its usual roundup of President Trump’s bootlickers — Lindsey Graham and Newt Gingrich, to name a couple — gaslighting their viewers, trying to convince them that the speech Trump gave Wednesday night was the most powerful speech given by an American president since Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. What journalism and television news need more than anything right now is an annual award for the most ludicrous propaganda laid on the American people. I suggest the annual “Joseph Goebbels Achievement Award.” Gilbert Favor
Files flunkies
White Plains, N.Y.: Do you really think the Justice Department headed by Trump’s MAGA people, Pam Bondi and his former personal attorney Todd Blanche, are going to release any file that shows Trump in a negative way? You are out of your mind. Redact, redact, redact, yada, yada, yada. Need I say conflict of interest? Jeff Gold
Toilet tribute
Lakewood, N.J.: As it appears that the clown in chief likes seeing his name on buildings, coins, National Park entrance cards, etc., let’s all support his narcissist ways. My contribution is to name our two toilet bowls “The Donald J. Trump Depository.” Enjoy the go! Frank Mongiello
Wish them ill
Middle Village: Please, people, don’t commit any violence against top-level people in government or business. Just pray that they have diarrhea for a year. John Puglisi
Strike back
Manhattan: We seem to be at war with Venezuela at King Trump’s behest. Congress has given up its responsibility to check royal decrees. Trump’s foreign policy has four elements: Go to war with countries that have something we want (Venezuela); praise and ally with fellow autocrats (Russia); punish former allies (Europe); and replace real diplomacy with a search for commercial opportunities (Gaza and pretty much everywhere else). If our zombie Congress would rise from the dead, it could try to stop our aggression toward Venezuela, but it failed the first round. House Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson gathered Trump loyalists to shoot down the War Powers Resolution Act that would have halted this undeclared war. Sen. Chuck Schumer, join Sen. Adam Schiff in a unanimous consent action to compel Pete Hegseth, head of our “Department of War,” to release the full video of boat strike survivors being killed. That might embarrass some Republican senators. Holly Hester-Reilly
It works
Chatham, N.J.: What if there were a proven way to reverse a national drug addiction crisis without declaring it a “war,” killing “suspected traffickers” without evidence of wrongdoing and deporting “invaders”? It’s called the Portuguese model. In the late 1990s, Portugal was mired in drug addiction problems, with more citizens incarcerated for drug-related offenses than any other EU member. In 2001, it decriminalized usage and possession of a 10-day supply or less of narcotics, including heroin and cocaine. By 2024, a country with a population roughly equal to New Jersey’s went from 3,000 fatal overdoses per year in the ’90s to about 80. Diseases like HIV and AIDS caused by dirty needles also plummeted. The model focuses on drug treatment, job training, housing and free access to health care, which is far cheaper than our system. Addiction is treated as a physical or mental health problem while trafficking is still a crime. Paul A. Denk
Think bigger
Manhattan: To Voicer Carrie Tassa: Thank you for reading my letter and proving my point. Conservatives like you zero in on locking up people who commit crimes, which Kerri Aherne clearly did. My letter drew attention to the flaws in our mental health system that let people like Aherne into the public — untreated — in the first place. Your approach will do little to stop such future crimes. Mine looks directly at the systemic reforms needed to do just that. Public safety is much more than a matter of cops, handcuffs and tasers. Think about it. Michael Barnhart
Stolen valor
Bellerose: Where is America’s patriotism? My American flag was stolen overnight. Whoever it was also stole the pole it was attached to. I have lived in Glen Oaks Village for 20 years and in Little Neck for 10 years and have never had my flag stolen. It was the only one on the block. I am 76 and served in the U.S. Navy during the Vietnam era aboard destroyers, aircraft carriers and helicopters. I served with honor and respect for our flag and in defense of our nation. I’m suffering from stage 4 cancer and osteoporosis and have trouble walking. The American flag is the fabric of our nation. It represents all men and women who have served and lost arms, legs and sight. May God forgive the person or persons who stole my flag, and please return it. Frederick Robert Bedell Jr.
Cloaked in concern
Long Island City: Gas industry lobbyists hide their true objectives by presenting themselves as being on the average consumer’s side. This happened twice recently in these pages. In their op-eds, Jane Menton (“Mamdani’s climate justice makes NYC unaffordable,” Nov. 29) and Daniel Ortega (“Hochul must veto the 100-foot rule bill,” Dec. 11), directors of the friendly-sounding New Yorkers for Reliable Affordable Energy and New Yorkers for Affordable Energy, respectively, present themselves as ordinary people we can trust. But behind those names, National Grid, National Fuel Gas and The American Petroleum Institute aim to improve their bottom lines. These are corporations pushing polluting gas and dooming us to decades of methane gas inhalation, compromised health and rising energy costs when we could have clean, cheap solar and wind energy instead. Gov. Hochul has fallen for it. The result is the new State Energy Plan that drags us backwards. Grace Mok
Left to ruin
Brooklyn: Thank you, Jessica Katz, for writing what I’ve been saying for years (“NYCHA must be central to Mamdani housing plan,” op-ed, Dec. 20). Our public housing system is such a mess. As a citizen, I’ve watched as buildings have gone without heat, elevators or repairs for years. The collapse at the Mitchel Houses is just another sign of neglect, abuse and corruption. I am happy to support NYCHA with my tax dollars, so why isn’t it being done? To your list of issues, I’d like to add people who no longer qualify for housing who still hold apartments, and people with specific prison records who still reside there when not permitted to do so. Our city and citizens deserve better. Susan Caprio
