Dear Eric: My friend has been totally engrossed with messaging celebrities through Telegram. So far, she has been in contact with four musicians. Two of the four have promised to come visit with her.
After the first celebrity visit fell through, I asked her repeatedly to block this contact. She vacillates between blocking and then unblocking him because she just wants to read his message.
It seems as if this has taken on a life of its own, with the constant messaging and planning for the visits. I am not sure if she has given any of the celebrities money, but I suspect she has. What steps should her friends and family take to get her back to reality?
– Starstruck
Dear Starstruck: As you surely already suspect, it’s highly unlikely that these people on Telegram, an encrypted messaging and social media app, are the actual celebrities they’re claiming to be.
Though Telegram reportedly has more than 950 million active users and some of them are likely well-known, the way these interactions are going has more in common with a romance scam than a brush with fame. According to the Federal Trade Commission, there were more than 64,000 reported romance scams in 2023, raking in $1.14 billion dollars. And the FBI has a special webpage specifically dedicated to them. Visit FBI.gov or the Internet Crime Complaint Center (ic3.gov) and see if any of the common tactics resonate with what you’re seeing.
If you’re noticing a pattern, walk your friend through the pages as well. Let her know that she’s not alone nor should she feel ashamed. But emphasize your concern for her safety and financial well-being.
Even if the warning signs aren’t as prominent, it’s important to voice your reservations over her habit.
Should she still insist the celebs are the real deal, she’s got to come up with a good vetting system. Before any plans are made, the celebrity should video chat or at the very least send a video message responding to specific questions, for instance. But, because she’s gotten so involved in this practice, I worry that she’s not in a place to prioritize her safety without a clear boundary. For instance, the only way she should be giving these musicians money is by buying concert tickets or albums.
Dear Eric: I will be 74 years old in a few months. Dental woes have been the bane of my existence. I have invested many thousands of dollars in my oral health. Nonetheless, I’m once again spending thousands more dollars to replace two crowns and install a replacement front tooth.
My dentist is now insisting that I replace three more crowns that have not yet failed, citing decay underneath (despite deep and regular cleanings). Those additional three teeth are not causing any problems, pain or discomfort.
His hygienist is also insisting on four yearly cleanings instead of two. Both of these professionals are putting me on their schedules without my input or permission.
I’m trying to figure out a way to cancel all these appointments. I have no desire (nor the financial means) to continue spending so much of my later years suffering in a dentist’s chair. Also, I have no desire to participate in arguments with them.
I will give the dentist and the hygienist the benefit of the doubt and assume they are perfectionists who just want me to have perfect teeth. But unless and until these teeth give me trouble, I’m done. How can I convey my wishes without causing any ill will?
– Dental Dilemma
Dear Dental: I’m sorry you’ve had so much trouble with your dental care. Having to haggle with your providers is the last thing you need. Especially since it’s so hard to debate when that little dental suction tube is in. And also, because you shouldn’t have to advocate this hard for what you want.
Now, your dental care provider can make appointments for you – though they shouldn’t without your permission. But they can’t come to your house and force you to go. So, the easiest way to cancel is to call the office and tell the receptionist that you need to remove all future bookings. This is just business. While your dentist may want the best for you, if they’re making it personal or forcing you to debate care that’s outside your means, they’re stepping out of bounds.
Moreover, if any healthcare practitioner isn’t listening to you or hearing what you’re saying, how can they give you the best care?
It’s fine to move on from this practice.
“No” is a complete sentence and sometimes it’s all that needs to be said. If they take it personally or refuse to accept the no, that’s a sign that they don’t have your best interest at heart and any ill will is their fault, not yours.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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