Award season may be very long, but Sunday night’s Screen Actors Guild Awards were mercifully short.
Two quick hours, in and out. Other interminable Hollywood events, please take note.
The ceremony honoring performers at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles is the last major step on the road to the Oscars, and a pitstop on the cul-de-sac to the Emmys.
The SAGs, an embarrassingly glitchy broadcast on Netflix, are a useful bellwether for the Academy Awards. A significant number of Oscar voters are actors. So, a couple March 2 contests were pretty much sewn up Sunday night.
Kieran Culkin, who won Best Supporting Actor for his tender and funny turn in “A Real Pain,” can start practicing his Oscar speech. But he’s not the preparation type, as evidenced by his wacky improv set on Sunday.
You can bet that Culkin will definitely get to do his stand-up routine again at the Dolby Theater next week.
And, despite the controversy surrounding “Emilia Perez” lead Karla Sofía Gascón, Zoe Saldana took home another Best Supporting Actress trophy for her emotional performance in the weird Spanish-language musical. That’s all wrapped up.
But SAG said, “Thank you, next” to Ariana Grande, who has yet to win so much as a sticker for playing Glinda in “Wicked.” Her second chance will come next year for the second part of the “Wizard of Oz” riff.
“Wicked” got an awakening as rude as having a house dropped on you — it went home totally empty-handed. Not so popular, it turns out.
But several races were turbo-charged.
“Conclave,” the drama about a scandalous election of a new pope (talk about unfortunate timing) unexpectedly won Best Ensemble, SAG’s Best Picture equivalent. That’s fresh off a victory at the BAFTAs in London.
The Comeback Catholic beat “Anora,” the New York-set stripper Cinderella story that had momentum after taking the Producers Guild, Directors Guild, Writers Guild and Critics’ Choice Awards.
I think the five-boroughs comedy still comes out on top. The other guilds adore it. But the category will, for a refreshing change, be a nailbiter.
And Adrien Brody, who has picked up prize after prize for “The Brutalist,” fell to Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan in “A Complete Unknown.”
Twenty-nine-year-old Timmy shocked the crowd when he straightforwardly declared, “I wanna be one of the greats!” It was nice to see a Hollywood star not pretend to be humble.
Chalamet hasn’t heard his name called out much this season, but there is a lot of well-deserved love for him and his biopic. Brody probably takes the stage at the Oscars, but Chalamet could barrel in like a rolling stone.
And Demi Moore, who won the Golden Globe and Critics’ Choice Award for “The Substance,” roared back after losing the BAFTA last week to “Anora”’s Mikey Madison.
Madison, 25, is spectacular. But G.I. Jane remains the feel-good pick and will likely take home her first Oscar at 62.
Although the show was thankfully abbreviated, to call it entertaining would be like calling TBS culturally relevant.
Jane Fonda’s lifetime achievement speech was — spoiler alert — political.
And who exactly wanted “Nobody Wants This” actress Kristen Bell to host? She’s a likable star, sure, and she did it in 2018. But I don’t know how Bell ever wound up emceeing award shows — a tall order even for experienced professional comedians. Most of her bits were groaners that sent up her own career.
Her parody of the “Frozen” song “Do You Want To Build A Snowman?,” “Do You Want To Be An Actor?” was forced and awkward, as was her time-filling quest to find her favorite co-star.
There was a barstool reunion with “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” actor Jason Segel, and an encounter with “Good Place” cast members Ted Danson and William Jackson Harper.
At the end, when Bell said, “You all know who my favorite co-star is,” I yelled, “Who cares?!”
Speaking of “Who cares?!,” “Shogun” won Ensemble in a Drama Series, and “Only Murders in the Building” nabbed Ensemble in a Comedy Series.
Lucky Jean Smart and Martin Short didn’t even bother showing up to accept their trophies.
Next Sunday are the Oscars. Finally.
