Ever since Donald Trump nominated Pete Hegseth to be secretary of defense, critics have called the former Fox News weekend host the most underqualified person to ever hold the position. In addition to having zero experience managing a large workforce, there were persistent reports of late-night carousing, womanizing and financial mismanagement of a charity for veterans. Now, less than three months into his tenure, the Pentagon appears in turmoil.
It began in March with Hegseth sharing secret plans for an attack with several people over Signal, an unsecured messaging app. Unfortunately for Hegseth, there was one person mistakenly included in this little chat group, Jeffrey Goldberg, editor of The Atlantic magazine. Oops.
When Hegseth vehemently denied that there was any classified information in the Signal messages, Goldberg proceeded to publish the entire transcript of the group chat, which included precise information about weapons packages, targets, and timing. To quote Homer Simpson, “Doh!”
Next, three members of Hegseth’s inner circle were fired as part of an alleged leak investigation. The three have proclaimed their innocence and said they have been “slandered.” I guess they figured phrases like “fake news,” a “hoax” or a “witch hunt” are the intellectual property of President Trump.
Last weekend, the New York Times revealed another Hegseth unsecured chat group which also detailed secret attack plans. This second chat group included Hegseth’s wife and his personal attorney — 13 in all. Let’s call it Signalgate 2.0.
But wait! Adding to Pete’s Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Week, the same day his recently resigned spokesperson and long-time friend wrote a behind-the-scenes op-ed for Politico in which he alleged the entire Pentagon is in “chaos” and “total disarray” under Hegseth’s leadership.
None of this should come as a surprise. Even before his official Senate Armed Service confirmation hearings began, there were indications that Hegseth might not be the best candidate to lead the Pentagon. For example…
Early on in the interviewing process, when senators asked which military heroes he admired the most, a flustered Hegseth cited Capt. Crunch, Sgt. Schultz, Beetle Bailey and Capt. Lou Albano. Senators were stunned. How could Hegseth leave out “old ferret face,” Frank Burns from M*A*S*H?
It didn’t end there. When pressed to name his number one goal as defense secretary, Hegseth smirked and said he was looking forward to becoming the founding member of the F-18 Mile-High Club.
Despite all this, Trump wanted Hegseth and he got him, in a 51-50 vote. Vice President JD Vance was called in to cast the tie-breaking vote. (A delighted Vance included the voting as one of the five things he accomplished in the weekly email report he, and all other federal workers, were required to send to DOGE).
Chatter about Hegseth being ill-prepared for the job only increased when, on his first day as secretary, several eye witnesses reported seeing written in the palm of his right hand in big, black letters, “Use this hand to salute.”
With Hegseth’s history of alcohol abuse, the Joint Chiefs weren’t taking any chances. They quickly enacted special nuclear protocols, including requiring Hegseth to count backwards from 100 and closing his eyes and then touching the tip of his nose before any missiles can be launched.
Things went from bad to worse when stories began circulating of Hegseth slurring his words when lying to the press.
While in meetings with senior commanders, he also frequently confused DEI with DWI.
Hegseth has displayed a breathtaking capacity for political tone deftness. Last month he announced, with much fanfare, plans to visit the beaches of Normandy in June — to go surfing.
He often appears clueless, even when asked soft-ball questions by friendly members of the right-wing media. Last week, Hegseth refused to commit to attending this year’s Army-Navy football game “until I know who’s playing.”
Hegseth recently posed this “hypothetical” question to the Joint Chiefs: “Could someone award themself the Purple Heart if they accidentally stapled their hand to a pile of papers while on duty?”
All of this might be overlooked were it not for Hegseth’s disturbing plans for the future. Several Pentagon insiders say he’s already blocked some time on his calendar next year to help Russia annex Poland.
How long will Mr. Trump put up with the Hegseth debacle is anyone’s guess. If the president doesn’t want to give him the old Apprentice “You’re FIRED!” treatment himself, I’m sure he could get one of Elon Musk’s DOGE Bros. to deliver the bad news to the blundering secretary of defense. Perhaps on X.
Ficarra is a freelance writer.
