Allison Holker is opening up about her late husband.
The dancer, 36, revealed she made a “triggering” discovery about Stephen “tWitch” Boss right before his funeral.
After the choreographer died by suicide at age 40 in December 2022, Holker said she found a “cornucopia” of drugs, including mushrooms, pills and “other substances I had to look up on my phone” hidden in Boss’ closet.
“It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed,” she told People Tuesday. “It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about]. It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”
Holker admitted she knew Boss used marijuana during their marriage, explaining that he would smoke in the guesthouse at night after their kids, Weslie, 16, and Zaia, 5, and Maddox, 8, went to bed.
“That was his alone time,” she explained. “It was his time to recharge, and that was OK.”
Holker also read Boss’ journals after he died, trying to gain insight into what happened. The “So You Think You Can Dance” judge found out that her husband of 9 years was keeping many things hidden from her, including possibly being sexually abused by a male figure as a child.
“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” she elaborated. “He didn’t want other people to take on his pain.”
Holker wants to shed light on the situation in hopes of helping others with her memoir, “This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light,” which hits shelves on February 4.
“Through certain discussions, even with friends and things that have been said, reading through his journals … you realize he went through a lot as a child and never faced it,” Holker recounted. “It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be OK.”
Last month, Holker marked the second anniversary of Boss’ death, sharing a touching tribute to the hip-hop dancer.
“Our Angel @sir_twitch_alot is watching over us and protecting us. You are always in our hearts and we will always love you. We miss you, Stephen,” she penned. “Two years with you not here but you are always on our minds. We love you.”
Along with honoring her former spouse, Holker has found love again with Adam Edmunds. The couple made their public debut in September during New York Fashion Week.
“I never knew that I could have this again,” Holker told Us Weekly that same month. “I actually feel like I found such a great love and support system from someone.”