Welcome back to another season of Fantasy Billboard! To celebrate the opening of training camp, I’m providing the Ultimate Fantasy Billboard Football Terminology Glossary — a flip-flop mashup of tongue-in-cheek definitions that nails both the culture and the absurdities of the game. Fantasy Football isn’t all about winning but also appreciating the camaraderie, trash talk and chaos of it all.
FANTASY BILLBOARD ACTUAL vs. FACTUAL
SLEEPER
Actual: An underperforming player you think will “wake up” with good stats this season.
Factual: The owner who naps between picks when they have the 12th slot in the Fantasy Draft.
HANDSHAKE AGREEMENT
Actual: A verbal trade deal between two owners.
Factual: A non-binding way for a dishonest owner to screw you out of a deal.
TRADE VETO
Actual: League members can vote to cancel any trade they think is unfair.
Factual: League crybabies can decide who gets to play in their sandbox.
GHOST OWNER
Actual: A team manager who stops setting lineups after Week 4.
Factual: A team manager that sets his phone on “Do Not Disturb” when his team is 2-9.
KICKER
Actual: The guy who can win or lose you the week with 13 or zero points.
Factual: When you’re up by a point and your QB tosses an INT, costing you 2 points and you lose…that’s the kicker!
BYE WEEK
Actual: The week your player doesn’t play.
Factual: When your entire starting roster disappears and your team loses 137-29.
REACH
Actual: Drafting a player in a much earlier round than he’s worthy by an overconfident owner.
Factual: The excuse an overconfident owner uses when his overzealous picks don’t pan out.
GODFATHER OFFER
Actual: A trade offer so ridiculously good youse can’t refuse it.
Factual: A trade offer so ridiculously good youse should refuse it.
STEAL
Actual: Getting a Top 10 performer in one of the last rounds of your draft.
Factual: What happens when a Fantasy owner doesn’t pay his entry fee.
FANTASY EXPERTS
Actual: Veteran Fantasy advisors like Jeff Mans, Adam Rank, Cynthia Frelund, Michael Fabiano, yours truly, etc. (Your drunk, loudmouth brother-in-law is not an expert).
Factual: Any recent Fantasy Football Champion. They should all write a book entitled, “I’m Great. You Suck. This Is How I Did It!”
MOCK DRAFT
Actual: Practice makes perfect. Many sites offer a service that allows you to participate in imaginary drafts to prep for the upcoming season.
Factual: What every spouse does when their significant other takes Fantasy Football too seriously.
DART THROW
Actual: Picking a player in a draft with no idea how he will perform.
Factual: Taking a flyer on the Giants’ rookie QB Jaxson Dart.
YAC
Actual: Yards After Catch is just that; the number of yards a player runs for after receiving a ball.
Factual: What an owner did over the toilet when he had to start Daniels Jones at QB last year.
CHEAT SHEET
Actual: A tool that managers use during a draft, listing players from best to worst.
Factual: A tool that philanderers use during a tryst, listing romantic partners from best to worst.
TANKING THE SEASON
Actual: Giving up on the season well before it’s over to gain a better draft position for the following year.
Factual: The perfect excuse for kicking lousy owners out of your league.
STASH
Actual: Keeping a player on your roster that currently has no value but hopefully will before long.
Factual: What “adult movie” stars seem to think is mandatory facial hair.
TRADE BAIT
Actual: A good player you don’t need on your roster that entices other teams to trade for him.
Factual: A pepperoni pizza could land you Phil Simms in a trade in 1989.
HIGH FLOOR
Actual: A player whose worst performance is still better than most players.
Factual: What a stoner says when he smokes too much pot and falls flat on his face. “Hi Floor!”
HAND CUFF
Actual: A backup player that would replace a starting player because of suspension, injury or poor play.
Factual: Fun and games for frisky folks.
COLLUSION
Actual: When two rapscallion owners work together to stack a team with their best players, usually when one of the rat-bastards has been eliminated from the playoffs.
Factual: What happens when two rapscallion owners run at full speed towards each other.
RANKINGS
Actual: Players listed from best to worst based on predicted Fantasy points.
Factual: When a team’s Fantasy draft stinks to high heaven.
HAMMY
Actual: Any one of the five tendons behind the knee, known as the hamstring.
Factual: Just as a calf pull has nothing to do with cows, a hamstring is devoid of pork.
IR SPOT
Actual: Injured Reserve spot where you can stash ailing players.
Factual: A place where you put players who are “emotionally injured” because they play in Cleveland.
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Enter the code NEW30 for 30% off the subscription price of FantasyGuru.com, the finest source for Seasonal, DFS and Sports Gaming advice. Bill Reinhard appears weekly on This Week in Pro Football (YouTube), is a member of the Fantasy Sports Writers Association and a columnist for FantasyGuru.com.
