Jimmy Fallon was willing to die for “Saturday Night Live.”
During an appearance on Monday’s episode of Steven Bartlett’s “The Diary of a CEO” podcast, the 50-year-old late-night host confirmed that he threatened to kill himself if he didn’t get cast on “Saturday Night Live” before he turned 25.
“Yeah, I wrote that in something, some journal or something,” Fallon said. “‘If I don’t get on ‘Saturday Night Live’ by the age of 25, than I’ll kill myself.’”
When asked if he meant the threat, Fallon responded: “Yeah, I did. But, again, I knew that I was gonna be on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ so I guess I didn’t really mean it. Cause I was gonna be on ‘Saturday Night Live’ before I was 25. I just, I knew that I was going to be on it, so I knew I wasn’t really a threat.”
Fallon told Rolling Stone in 2011 about wanting to take his own life.
“I remember saying to myself, ‘If I don’t make it on ‘Saturday Night Live’ before I’m 25, I’m going to kill myself.’ It’s crazy. I had no other plan. I didn’t have friends, I didn’t have a girlfriend, I didn’t have anything going on. I had my career, that was it,” he told the outlet.
On the podcast, Fallon said, “I was into computers, so I think I typed it. I think it’s on some file somewhere. I think I said I will kill myself, but I definitely said 25 was my thing.”
Fallon was cast on “SNL” in 1998, one week after his 24th birthday. He remained on the series until 2004.
During his interview with Bartlett, 32, Fallon recalled struggling with his mental health before he got the NBC job.
“It wasn’t the greatest and I’m a pretty positive guy in general, but I think that was probably my lowest,” Fallon shared. “Looking back, I remember trying to see what therapy was or if I could afford a therapist or what that meant.”
“I was just breaking down mentally,” he continued. “I wasn’t getting anywhere. I really had no friends and no social life and obsessed with work and obsessed with standup.”
Fallon recalled, “I think I wrote a letter to my best friend, like, ‘I’m losing it dude.’ I think it was something to the point, like, ‘I’m losing it and I don’t know if I can make it.’”
The father of two was “obsessed” with being on “SNL” as a kid. (He and wife Nancy Juvonen are parents of daughters Winnie, 11, and Frances, 9.)
“I couldn’t really hang out with anyone while I watched the show because I didn’t like it if anyone didn’t like the show,” he said.
“My friends would have parties and they go, ‘You gotta come, right?’ I go, ‘I’ll be there at one o’clock.’ I can’t just tape it. I have to watch it live,’” Fallon shared.
The “Tonight Show” host added that, as an adult, “all I wanted to do” was be on the sketch comedy series.
“If I got on for one season or one episode, then I could do whatever I could,” he stated.
