Justin Baldoni opened up about his abusive relationship with his college girlfriend.
The “It Ends With Us” director and star, 40, shared his story of experiencing “sexual trauma” from his ex during his appearance on Elizabeth’s Day “How to Fail” podcast on Wednesday.
Baldoni said he met a “beautiful young woman” while attending Long Beach State and immediately started dating her “to fill a hole and a void where I just didn’t feel like I was enough.”
“And it was a very bad relationship and I kind of contorted myself and my personality to be what she wanted,” Baldoni explained. “I had strong values and opinions and beliefs going in, and those were very easily manipulated and reshaped to the point where a few months in I completely lost any sense of self that I had left. And it got very emotionally abusive.”
“I experienced sexual trauma in that relationship,” the “Jane the Virgin” star continued, “then wrestled with that trauma for the rest of my life, because in my head a man can’t experience sexual trauma at the hands of a woman.”
“And it’s also the way that society has kind of made me feel that it’s only the other way around, when in reality it can happen,” he added. “There are lines that can be crossed and take advantage of somebody and to be manipulated. But I told myself for 15 years after that that wasn’t actually what happened, and that I did want it. And all of the things that women have been feeling and experiencing for a long time.”
Baldoni revealed that “was hoping to save myself for marriage” at the time, adding, “And that’s as detailed as I’ll get into the story.”
The filmmaker said he was in denial about the situation with his ex until he spoke to a therapist, who helped him realize he was a victim of sexual trauma.
“And that was when I broke,” he said, revealing that the “terrible” relationship eventually “ended with cheating and infidelity.”
“I left college, I moved to LA, and it was actually thanks to that relationship ending that I ended up becoming an actor,” he shared.
Baldoni has been married to his wife, Emily, since 2013 and they have two kids, daughter Maiya, 9, and son Maxwell, 7.
On the podcast, Baldoni revealed that he was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year at age 40.
He also talked about dealing with a “near breakdown” when he was filming “It Ends With Us” with Blake Lively.
“There were moments in the filming of this where I would just have to leave,” said Baldoni, who portrayed the abusive husband of Lively’s character in the movie. “I’d have to remove myself and go shake it out.”
“There’s a moment in the movie where Ryle finds Lily’s phone,” he explained, “and he finds a phone number and he’s very jealous and he’s heartbroken and he’s angry. And he doesn’t harm her, but you can see in his eyes how dangerous he is. After that scene, I had a near breakdown.”
Baldoni said he “had to leave and just cry and shake because there was so much pain” after doing the scene. He also admitted it took him four months after filming ended to let go of his violent character.
“I had dreams as him for a while, and it lived in my body but I think for the most part, he’s out,” he said.
Baldoni and Lively, 37, were at the center of feud rumors when “It Ends With Us” came out over the summer.
The stars reportedly had creative differences during the making of the film. One source claimed to Page Six that Baldoni created an “extremely difficult” atmosphere behind the scenes for the entire cast, leading him to hire a crisis public-relations manager.
Lively, meanwhile, dealt with backlash over her “tone-deaf” behavior while promoting the film.
