Kate Cassidy is opening up about the death of her boyfriend Liam Payne.
The 25-year-old shared it has been “really hard to accept” losing the former One Direction member after his tragic death in October after falling off a hotel balcony in Argentina.
“I find myself talking about him so much in the present tense … I don’t even feel the need to correct myself because that’s part of my healing journey,” Cassidy said while on the UK morning show Lorraine on Wednesday. “I’m still working on accepting the fact that he’s not here anymore, so it’s hard for me to refer to him in the past tense.”
“When I do refer to him in the past tense, it almost stings that little bit more,” the influencer continued before becoming emotional. “I never would have thought that I would be talking about him in the past tense, so it’s definitely really hard to accept.”
Cassidy took a moment to reflect on the ebbs and flows of grief, revealing that “sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of bed in the morning.”
She added, however, that she does have “my better days [and] harder days.”
“It is really hard. I’ve never lost anybody before close to me so this is my first time dealing with anything like this and going through this grief and healing journey,” Cassidy shared. “…I am trying to do my best. I have my better days, I have my harder days. But I’m surrounded by such a great support system.”
The TikToker was on vacation with Payne in Argentina but left days before he died.
Cassidy had previously stated she left to be home with the dog she shared with Payne, Nala. Now, she said the pup has “helped with her healing journey” since losing the musician.
“Whether it’s a five-minute walk or 20-minute walk, first thing in the morning [it] just wakes me up and refreshes my mind,” she said. “Instead of laying in bed all day just scrolling through social media or old photos, it gets me out of bed and really, really helps my mindset and my mental health.”
Cassidy shared that she is “trying to be as productive as I can,“ doing “small things like yoga” to also help improve her headspace and thanked her “friends [and] family, just for being there for me.”
She added: “I’ll always have so much love for him … His presence was just comforting and warming and that’s something that I’ll never forget about him.”
Cassidy’s interview comes on the heels of speaking with The Sun last month for the first time since Payne’s death.
At the time, she told the outlet she wished she had stayed in Argentina instead of heading back to their Florida home.
“Liam was in such a good headspace when I left Argentina,” she said in an interview published Feb. 5. “We were in such a great place, just full of love; he was so happy and positive. And I just can’t even believe the way things truly ended.”
Payne fell to his death from the third floor of his hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, Argentina, on Oct. 16 at the age of 31.
Medical officials confirmed that the star had a “cranial fracture and extremely serious injuries that led to his immediate death.”
Payne also had a toxic mixture of drugs in his system at the time of his death, including crack and so-called “pink cocaine.”
Witnesses told TMZ the artist was acting “erratic” before his sudden passing. He allegedly smashed his laptop in the hotel lobby and was carried back to his room before the fall.
Last month, manslaughter charges against Payne’s close friend Roger Nores and two hotel employees were dismissed. A court ruled they couldn’t have done anything to prevent the singer from plunging from his balcony at the CasaSur Palermo hotel in Buenos Aires after a drug-fueled night.
