I have just woken up from a strange and confusing dream. I dreamt that the 2025 Golden Globe Awards were actually tolerable.
But it wasn’t a dream. It was a broadcast! And Nicole Kidman, and Timothée Chalamet, and Angelina Jolie and “Wicked” were there, Auntie Em!
Look, it’s still an award show — a genre that in just 10 short years has gone from a much-watched special event that people legitimately cared about to a rung below a rerun of “Chicago Med.”
The Globes remain far too long-winded. The saggy middle, when TV trophies were unenthusiastically dished out like steamed broccoli, felt longer than “The Brutalist” — the 3 ½ hour winner of best motion picture – drama.
Having presenters deliver their intros straight to camera as they ignored the seated audience was an extremely awkward choice. As Seth Rogen rightly said, it was “inelegant and strange.” Scrap it.
And, for better or worse, this had to be the most eccentric list of film winners at any major award show ever held on American soil. It was like being at Cannes only with more deodorant.
But this year’s Globes were infinitely superior to 2024 when the ceremony was a sleepy and predictable coronation for “Oppenheimer” and comedian Jo Koy’s abysmal hosting was an unwatchable cringe-fest.
His terrific successor, Nikki Glaser, was terribly funny right from her first line: “Welcome to the 82nd annual Golden Globes: Ozempic’s biggest night!”
She took aim at Chalamet’s facial hair and the awful “Joker: Folie à Deux” and she somehow managed in a joke to connect accused rapist Sean “Diddy” Combs and Stanley Tucci … in a way that got a huge laugh.
What of the winners? Pretty bizarre.
For instance, one of the big victors was “Emilia Pérez,” a Spanish-language French musical drama from Netflix about a Mexican drug cartel leader who transitions into a woman. It won motion picture – musical or comedy, international film, song and supporting actress (Zoe Saldana).
And drama champ “The Brutalist” is a nearly-four-hour-long epic with an intermission about a fictional Jewish Hungarian architect. Its director Brady Corbet also won and so did its leading man Adrien Brody.
A lot can change in two months, but they’re now the ones to beat at the Oscars.
The speeches? Humble, mostly charming and refreshingly a-political.
Demi Moore was especially strong when she won best actress in a motion picture – musical or comedy for her role in the wild body horror film “The Substance,” in which an injection clones her and turns her into a grotesque ogre.
“I’ve been doing this for over 45 years — and this is the first time I’ve ever won anything as an actor,” Moore said.
“Thirty years ago, I had a producer tell me I was a ‘popcorn actress’… that corroded me over time to the point that a few years ago that I thought that this was it.”
Apparently not. This big win injects Moore with a big dose of Oscars momentum.
However, few expected Sebastian Stan to take home actor – comedy for “A Different Man,” a dark film in which his character suffers from the facial disfigurement neurofibromatosis.
He’s good in it, by the way. But this is a voting body of international journalists with increasingly eclectic tastes. Stan will be lucky if he makes the cut at the Oscars.
Not so of Kieran Culkin, who snatched best supporting actor for his sublime work in “A Real Pain.” He’ll be strutting to the Dolby Theater in March, inasmuch as self-deprecating Culkin can strut.
Oh and there were upsets galore: “Anora,” one of the best movies of the year, was totally shut out.
Fernanda Torres won best actress – drama for “I’m Still Here,” a Brazilian film, which surely made heavyweight losers Kidman (“Babygirl”) and Jolie (“Maria”) reach for a bottle of Champagne once the camera cut away.
And “Wicked” proved this year’s “Barbie” — from juggernaut to jugger-not. The only trophy the “Wizard of Oz” prequel managed was the Box Office and Cinematic Achievement Award. A cute, meaningless consolation prize. Its Oscar chances are evaporating like a watery witch.
“Others have more strength,” an insider said. “The Academy is now too international for ‘Wicked’. It’s tanked internationally.”
On the TV side, “Hacks” won television series – comedy, while “Shōgun” took drama. Jean Smart, Jeremy Allen White, Hiroyuki Sanada, Anna Sawai. No surprises there.
The biggest winner of the night, though, was Glaser.
Her monologue was as hilarious as you’d expect from a woman with the Tom Brady roast on her resume. She kept the telecast moving and didn’t overplay her hand.
The Globes were business as usual — frankly you either watch award shows or you don’t — and didn’t notch any viral moments people will be talking about this morning (no Will Smith slap here!).
They might not be chattering, but they definitely won’t be roasting Nikki either.
